WOULD HAVE, COULD HAVE, SHOULD HAVE. MOTHER-DAUGHTER CONVERSATIONS ABOUT SELF IMAGE Interview by Sue Van Der Hout
Lisa Naylor is counsels adolescent girls at the Women´s Health Clinic in Winnipeg and has facilitated the Dove Self-Esteem workshops for girls. Lisa talks about how conversations between mothers and daughters can affect body image. She’s heard and said a lot to moms and daughters about confidence. She reflects on what she wishes mothers and daughters would talk about, how they would talk about it and the difference conversations make in building human dignity.
When do conversations between mothers and daughters begin to impact body image? At what point should mothers be cognizant of the impact their comments might have on their developing daughters?
Body image and self-esteem begin to develop from day one - and all the messages that we give to our girls, verbally and by role modeling, have an impact. If a family puts its focus on appearance instead of focusing on girl´s achievements and skills, girls get the message that looks are what matters most.
Mothers do not always know the power they have to influence their daughters to think about beauty and image related self-esteem in particular ways. For example, mothers who frequently diet, teach girls that dieting is a necessary part of maintaining a healthy and attractive body.
What do you wish mothers would say to their daughters? What do you wish they would spend more time talking about?
Mothers have told me that they have sometimes "given up" being a positive role model on their daughters who seem to be most influenced by popular culture. The Dove Global Study, "The Real Truth About Beauty" told us that girls felt mothers were their first and strongest influence on how they thought about themselves. That means the power to feel better about ourselves as women and to influence our daughters is still in our hands!
Mothers can teach their daughters several key things:
1) Media literacy skills - girls need to understand the fantasy inherent in those images and understand that in comparing themselves to images that have been computer enhanced, they will never measure up. This includes talking about how the standards of beauty evolve from one generation to the next - the "ideal" becomes more and more difficult to attain. The time, creative energy and money that women invest in attaining beauty today is more than at any other time in history - the bar gets raised higher and higher so that the attainment of perfection becomes both impossible and then most important goal.
2) Normal puberty development – girls often struggle with body image as their bodies are rapidly changing in puberty. They need to grow approximately 10 inches and gain 40-50 pounds as their bones and organs develop and they acquire the necessary fat for normal healthy development. Girls do not always expect or understand the rapid changes they are going through.
3) The skills to express feelings and resolve conflicts – girls learn from the culture to diet, overeat or hate their bodies in response to feelings of sadness, anger or conflict; with skills to express and resolve those issues they do not have to blame or hurt their bodies
What is the one thing you wish mothers would not say to their daughters?
I wish mothers would not criticize their daughters changing body – be unconcerned about her "chubbiness" or widening hips and breasts. Honestly assess (to yourself) her growth – does she still have to grow taller to catch up with growing wider? Is she eating a balanced diet and getting regular activity? If not, encourage family time to be active together and stock fewer junk foods in the house. But keep the focus off of her body as "the problem". If you genuinely think she is developing a disordered relationship with her body or food – binge eating, dieting, bulimia or anorexia – seek professional help for the best way to discuss this with her. If not, relax and let her grow while encouraging her to have fun, discover the world, and build her skills and relationships.
What can a mother say to help her daughter build confidence?
Frequently compliment her skills and achievements. Point out when she has tried something new and that you are proud of her for trying. If you want to compliment her appearance keep it specific and on things she has control over…"I really like that colour of shirt on you" or "Cool hairstyle – you worked really hard on that!" But not on things that may be out of her control "you are lucky to have such clear skin"… "so many girls would love to have your tiny hips!"… as these are things that can change and these compliments set girls up to see their body as decorative and value-laden.
25.06.2007
Print Version»
Tell a Friend»
All articles » Subscribe»
Lisa Naylor has worked as a counsellor and health educator with girls and women for the past 13 years in both Winnipeg and Toronto.
She regularly brings her passion for educating and empowering young women to schools and community groups through workshops that promote healthy body-image and provide tools for eating disorder prevention. Lisa has also provided education to teachers and coaches on body image and written on this subject for the Canadian Women’s Health Network.
As a member of the Manitoba Network on Eating Disorders, Lisa has assisted in the development of a provincial framework for prevention and treatment programs.
To arrange interviews with Lisa Naylor, please contact Harbinger: 416.960.5100
|
