The Sandwich Generation: Women East and the Generation Gap By Gwen McAuley
Feeling a bit compressed these days? Free moments eluding you? Could be you’re the filling in the generational sandwich – picking up for your adult children and caring for aging parents? When does it end? What about Freedom 55?
Thanks to modern medicine and healthier lifestyles we are living longer and longer. The BBC reported in April 2007 that according to the Office for National Statistics, the chances of living to 100 are 18.1% for boys; 23.5% for girls. A 40-year-old woman has an 11.7% chance of reaching 100. The odds are improving. Looks good. Or maybe not. Get up close and personal with aging and you’ll find that the burdens that come with a longer lifespan can be unimaginable. Even overwhelming.
The lottery of long life might be the first lottery you ever win. Grand prize? You’re the happy owner of both your children and your parents. Your challenge, should you choose to accept it, is to transform from woman to "mayonnaise". Why? Because you’re the glue that’s keeping the generational sandwich together.
| The lottery of long life might be the first lottery you ever win. Grand prize? You’re the happy owner of both your children and your parents. |
Many nationalities are dealing with an aging population of baby boomers. If you think it’s rough in North America, consider Japan. Look around: sit on a park bench, peer through other car windows while stuck in traffic, or observe the people around you at the over-sized shopping malls. The family unit appears to be smaller than it is in Canada. The typical Japanese family appears to be comprised of a couple and its one child, but that would be taking the narrow view. Watch a little longer and you’ll start noticing units of five everywhere: the young child, the child’s parents, and the paternal grandparents.
In Japan, the ratio of children to seniors is alarming. Why? Because while the birthrate is plummeting, the population is aging; sprays of gray hair float like clouds all over the country, signaling a coming storm.
| If you think it’s rough in North America, consider Japan. … The ratio of children to seniors is alarming. |
The pending social change that concerns most adult Japanese students in my English classes is the fate of the family unit. Here’s why. Japan has a strong and continuing tradition of the eldest son taking care of his parents. Even before grandparents need family care, eldest sons are expected to live in the family home with their new wife and later their young child(ren). Many Japanese families live with the husband’s parents. If they don´t live in the same house, they often live in the same city and spend several days a week together. At the beginning, the grandparents are usually in their mid-50s and quite active and helpful. At that point the husband´s parents (well, usually the mother), can be very helpful. She is often around to help with cooking, household chores and child-rearing. For most families, having only one child, the weight of household duties is often shared between a mother and a young grandmother. Life is good. But then, as the husband´s parents age, the wife/mother´s duties and responsibilities increase exponentially.
| Japan has a continuing tradition of the eldest son taking care of his parents when they are aging. …
eldest sons are expected to live in the family home with their new wife and later their young child(ren). |
This creates anxiety for female baby boomers who feel the stress of being sandwiched between the financial demands of their children (who often return to the family home after university due to the high cost of living in Japan) and their husband´s parents´ demands.
Seniors homes, or nursing homes, are not as common here as they are in North America, they´re obscenely expensive, and there is a stigma attached to sending one´s parents off to live in one. Grown children, or rather, their wives, are expected to care for aging parents, and there is a great sense of responsibility attached to this social tradition. Women who fill this role are stretched thin.
Ryoko Takabayashi, in her mid-50s, admits that her responsibilities to her often demanding mother-in-law are slowly whittling away at her. Months ago, a confrontation between them created sparks so Ryoko no longer speaks to her or visits her. Her husband agrees that his mother is often difficult and irrational, and is therefore supportive of his wife´s concerns, he feels caught in the middle, of the expectations of his modern-day wife and his traditional mother.
| My female baby boomer students feel the stress of being sandwiched between the financial demands of their children (who often return to the family home after university due to the high cost of living in Japan) and their husband´s parents´ demands. |
As Japan’s population continues to age, more and more grandparents are living longer, demanding/requiring more and more support, and there are fewer children to care for them. Female boomers feel stressed now, but worry more about their futures. Children in Japan have close relationships with their grandparents. Their mothers set the example for them. But will they be willing to sustain a similar closeness with their own parents when their number comes up? Will there be a quid pro quo?
28.11.2007
Print Version»
Tell a Friend»
All articles » Subscribe»
Gwen McAuley may be a native of Guelph, Ontario but she is a citizen of the world. She has traveled extensively throughout Europe, studied in France and is now fluent in French. She is a graduate of The University of Western Ontario where she studied English literature. A love of feature writing landed her in the Magazine publishing course at Ryerson University. Gwen writes, “I have always been a magazine addict since my pre-teen days spent with glossy copies of YM and Seventeen.” In August 2006 Gwen moved to Tokyo to teach English and to enjoy the opportunity to immerse herself in Japanese culture. This eye-opening experience has actually taught her what it means to be Canadian. Gwen returns to her homeland in December 2007 to pursue a career in magazine editing. Her interests include modern dramatists, photography, consumer culture, Marian Keyes and chatting with her friends around a kitchen table about Woody Allen and Greek food.
|
